Jermofoot, you sound like a really solid guy - I’m impressed with the fact that despite everything that’s been done to you, you are primarily motivated by love for your kid, for this woman and also for yourself. You are obviously very hurt but it sounds like you are doing all the right things - you are keeping the door open but also preparing to move on and starting to accept that you may just have to.
I would focus on just being a great dad to your son, which it sounds like you are. Don’t keep him from his mother, but the more time you spend with him, the more stable and reliable you are and the more of his needs you take care of, the better it will be for him.
And, incidentally, if it comes down to a custody battle (let’s hope not) those are the things that will help you to get the kind of arrangement that you will be happy with.
Keep your chin up. You sound like a really great guy and it’s too bad that your partner is going through whatever crisis she is going through. It’s good to take responsibility for your part in the relationship, but don’t blaime yourself, she’s the one doing this - this is not the appropriate response to anything you might have done in the relationship.
Just be there for your kid and yourself first. If she wants to be part of that circle of support, she will have to decide that she wants back in, and ask your forgiveness before you reconnect. Do NOT let her take advantage of you and string you along with mixed messages, because she’ll think she can have it all somehow.
It’s too bad this happened, but they just do. I’ve felt the beginnings of crushes on other women since getting married - it’s just natural. If it wasn’t there’d be no need to tell people to be faithful. There’s nothing in our brains to stop us falling in love with another person when we are already in a long-term relationship. But you have to be disciplined and say “No” and realize what’s important in the long term. Sounds like she was unable to do this, unfortunately this has consequences for you and your son.
There’s absolutely nothing fair about it, I don’t know if that makes it better or worse, that’s just how it is.
So in conclusion:
- I’m sorry
- You seem like a solid, awesome guy and a great dad
- Keep your chin up